maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
