At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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