I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the day after is always just damage control
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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