VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
