This is not my ceiling
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize