I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
