careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
