just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
