yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
