if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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