He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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