all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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