I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
