Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
