I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
