you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i love accidental penises.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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