if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
