yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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