What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
