i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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