She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
