The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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