I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize