i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
vagina is talking i cant
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
