Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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