what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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