She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
