Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
