If that was your dad, he is hot
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
