hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
