the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize