I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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