I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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