he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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