Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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