someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
