I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize