she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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