So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
