every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
