Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
