It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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