At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
