Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
