I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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