I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
