i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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