It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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