the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
