her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
