You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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