Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
