I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
