Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
