I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
