Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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