She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
