I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
