I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
