Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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