sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
