it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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