Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
