i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
