No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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