If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
