why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
